Sandals Marriage Getaway
November 26, 2007 at 9:27 pm | In Church, Fun Times | 8 CommentsOne of the highlights of our year is the annual marriage retreat that our church puts on. Martina and I are SMG plank owners having been to every one. Tammy and her crew of energetic and very talented ladies knock themselves out every year making the venue look absolutely wonderful. Here’s a big Cap’n Jim shout-out to all you “events people” otherwise know as PWMTLRG.
As I said, this event is one of our favorites and this year was no exception. The opening night diner dance was a smashing success. Here are some folks we spent the evening with.
The Cap’n & his Wench
Matt & Lori
Colin & Mindie
John & Casey
Wayne & Gloria
One high point was when George Clooney paid us an unexpected visit…
After that it was time to dance the night away…
The next morning we got to hear Matt teach on Inloveness, an idea he got from reading “A Severe Mercy.” One of the points Matt made was how we all define love in different ways and that the way I define love will impact how I view the events in my life. That idea just clicked for me and I sat dumbfounded as this thought rolled around in my head and the more I thought about it, the more this concept began to explain so much about me and my life.
One of the things that I have struggled to deal with in my life is reactions that are out of proportion to the triggers. Have you ever overreacted to something and then just wondered to yourself where the h… did that come from? Me too.
This is what Matt helped me to see. I am an Acts of Service kind of guy. I can transmit in most of the love languages but if you want to love me, you’ll have to “show me.” What I realized is that because I interpret love through acts of service, when a request I’ve made is overlooked, this gets run through my internal “love filter” and suddenly a minor oversight (forgetting to close a door or perform a favor) turns into “you don’t love me.” My reaction is then to the output of my filter and not the actual event. Kinda sad isn’t it? To think that forgetting to close the dishwasher can instantly morph into “I’m unloved.”
The good news is that I am not a prisoner to my misconceptions about what love is. The answer is in learning and living out the truth about what God says about love.
Pardon me, I gotta go read 1 Cor 13 again.
Really Mrs. Brown, the dog ate my Blog!
October 16, 2007 at 5:19 pm | In Church, Family | 10 CommentsLast week I ran into my friends Steve and Peggy Brown at church, they were down from Sacramento visiting kids and grandkids. So, Peggy and I do the meet and greet, then see asks me how I’m doing, so I tell her that basically I want a “do-over” for 2007 but with the suck setting turned way down. So she tells me that she keeps checking my blog regularly hoping for an update but is disappointed there is nothing new. Peggy is a retired 5th grade teacher, and she has that teacher vibe down solid! I’m 52 years old, and all of a sudden I felt like a 12 year old explaining to my teacher why my homework is late. I don’t ever want to hear Peggy Brown tell me she is “disappointed” with me ever again!
Today is a red-letter day! We finally got the Erbschein from Germany. What that means is that the German government has finally recognized Martina as Erika’s only heir. Getting the Erbschein is the critical first step to being able to finally manage Erika’s estate. So far we have been unable to do much of anything with her house, bank accounts, or bills. Thank God most of her regular bills were set-up for auto-debit and that she had a decent balance in her checking account or we would’ve been paying her bills all this time. 5 months to get a single type written page with 3 lines basically saying, Erica died in Spain, Martina is her only heir, she gets everything. After all the hassle and red-tape I was expecting something with at least a gold seal and a little red sealing wax. Nope, this is the most un-impressive very important paper I have ever seen, I’ve gotten fancier certificates for company training classes than this. But, thank God it is here.
Break – Break new topic.
As I have reflected on the events of this year I have come to 2 conclusions: 1) Having relationships in your life is messy. What I have discovered is that the more people I get to know, care about, and love, the opportunities to get hurt go up exponentially. Right now some of you are going “well Duh!” Okay, so I came to the relationship game late and slow. Gimme a break! I’m just now starting to figure this whole “relationship stuff” out. I’m an engineer for crying out loud, I deal with volts, amps, and ohms, not emotions, feelings and oh my God, other people’s viewpoints! What I’m prattling on about is the discovery that when other people hurt, I hurt. For example, right now my oldest son is in the midst of being divorced. I grieve for the death of my son’s marriage, and I pray that God will resurrect it, but I know that it will take three people to do that, Jeremy Christina and God. I know that 2 of the 3 are in favor, but right now Christina has chosen a different path. Please pray for my son, his wife Christina and their daughter Adelaide.
The other thing I have decided is that being “refined” sucks! Not very theological sounding I admit, but I think it conveys what I feel. I believe that this year has been about God convincing me to get serious about being deliberate in my personal sabbath with Him. My personal trial has been to find a way to connect with God regularly and in a way that re-fills me with Him. I am a service kind of guy down to my bones. It is very difficult for me to sit still and relax. Reflection and contemplation do not come naturally to me. So it is very difficult for me to “be still, and know that He is God.” But this is what I think God wants to teach me. So far I think I’m doing ok on the theory, but the lab blows.
Confessions of a prayer wimp
March 8, 2007 at 2:36 pm | In Church | 5 CommentsNote this post was started on Monday but life has kept me from finishing it until today.
Once again Pastor Matt brought it yesterday during church. We are currently in the midst of an 8 week series called “Remix” whose theme is prayer. The idea is to radically change the way we pray thus becoming more effective Christians.
Yesterday Matt’s thesis was “Reverence.” He reminded us that we serve an awesome God and using one of his favorite illustrations from the “Chronicles of Narnia” warned us that our god is certainly not tame, but He is good. Matt tried to get us past our usual ways of praying and to remember that true prayer connects us to the God that holds the universe in the palm of his hand, and just maybe we ought to treat Him with a little more respect.
As I processed Matt’s sermon, I realized that the most irreverent thing I do is when I come to God in unbelief. Too often, I find myself kin to the people in Acts 12 that were fervently praying for Peter to be released from jail, and when he shows up at the door they refuse to believe that it is him. In other words, I am going through the motions of prayer because of duty, peer pressure, guilt etc. but I really don’t believe God is actually going to answer my prayers. Often, I feel like I’ve done “my duty” by throwing up a prayer, and if God doesn’t answer, oh well not my problem. How pathetic is that?
I think the root of my problem is that basically, I’m a head kinda guy. I think I’ve mentioned before how I struggle to make that 18” connection between my heart and my head. This makes it difficult for me to really put myself in another’s place, to feel their pain and really want to help resolve it. I know I’m supposed to care, I really want to care, but I’m just not feeling it.
I’m not sure how I am going to get around this issue, but I did confess it to my guys in our RD group Tuesday evening. Since then I have noticed a small renewal as I try to keep my prayers real and honest. I think the confession helped in two ways, 1) Confessing it brought the issue out into the light, robbing the enemy of all power to attack me via guilt. 2) One of my friends let me know that things might not be as bleak as I perceived them to be. He told me that when he knows that I am praying for him, he has felt God’s comforting hand acting in his life. All I can say to that is: God’s grace is SO much bigger than we realize. To realize that He is able to use my feeble attempts at intercessory prayer to accomplish something good is humbling and a great relief. I mean if God needed us to get it right before He could act on our behalf, how hopeless would we be? Praise God that it is not up to us and that He is not limited by our abilities.
Thank You Moi
February 1, 2007 at 1:18 pm | In Church | 10 CommentsLast Tuesday I participated in a relatively intimate worship experience, relative being 50 people as opposed to the 700 or so that join us on Sundays. We were privileged to be led in worship by Moi (not the band – just Moi and his guitar). BTW – thank you Lori Lynn for lending us your husband for the evening, we were all very blessed by your sacrifice. As Moi sang, I felt myself led to the throne of God. I don’t normally get emotionally caught up during worship; I am one of those people whose most difficult journey is the 18 inches from my head to my heart. However, last Tuesday I was there. I can only describe it as comfort food for my soul.
During the song “Better Is One Day” it hit me. Every time I have sung that song before, the image that came to my mind is one of a castle courtyard or the
Temple with God’s glory filling it. On Tuesday as we sang “One thing I ask and I would seek, to see Your beauty. To find You in the place Your glory dwells” it hit me like a bolt of lightening, God dwells in my heart! His beauty and glory resides within me! Whoa!
Now, maybe I am coming late to the party and this is what the song’s author had in mind all along when he wrote those words, and yes I am quite familiar with the scriptures pertaining to our bodies being the temple of the Holy Spirit and that Jesus lives within us, etc. but for me this was the first time I had made the connection in such a visceral way. It has caused me to rethink a lot of assumptions that I make about myself. I am a fella whose natural inclination and training is to see faults; it is very easy to catalog all of my vast and varied failings. It is another thing entirely for me to discuss my strengths and talents. And there I was, with God pointing out that my heart is the place He chooses to live. Oh My! I’m pretty sure some changes in viewpoint are in order.
Legacy
December 14, 2006 at 12:26 pm | In Church, Family | 7 CommentsLately I’ve begun to wonder about what kind of legacy I will leave my children. I suppose it comes with advancing years, or maybe it all started when Nathan suggested the word patriarch to describe my changing roll in the lives of my family. All I know is that I’ve begun to consider how the way I live my life today will manifest itself in my kid’s and their kids’ lives years from now.
Neither Martina nor I were raised in Christian homes, so we had no guidance other than that which we gleaned from the Bible and Christian books. I think that guidance served us fairly well; so far the evidence suggests that we didn’t screw up our kids too badly. However, I’ve recently gained a glimpse into the powerful and positive influence Godly forbearers can be.
I went to a wedding recently where the bride and groom took time in the ceremony to have his grandfather come and serve them communion in what was a very private moment that we the guests were privileged to witness. This simple act spoke volumes to me that day. How awesome is it, that on this very important day in their lives, this young couple wanted his grandfather to participate in so meaningful a way. I also sorrowed that there was no corresponding person in my own life. And finally, I determined that I wanted to be that kind of man for my children and grandchildren. I very much want to build into the lives of our kids and our grand kids. How awesome to be able to provide them with a foundation of Biblical truths and wisdom that they can build their lives on.
Catch A Wave
November 30, 2006 at 2:36 pm | In Church | 9 CommentsLike Leah I found something to take away from Neal’s sermon on communion. In the second half of his sermon when he was talking about being content in my relationship with Jesus, Neal differentiated between our dreams, careers and ambitions and whether we are living God’s design for our lives. For years Paul’s injunction “to be content in whatever state I find myself in…” has been used to browbeat Christians for daring to want a better life for their families, or to desire a promotion, or a better car or… you get the idea. Once again I find myself running head-on into the idea that God doesn’t really give a sh– about stuff! And, He doesn’t care all that much about how much stuff I have either, except as it pertains to the one thing He does care about, my heart. If my heart is focused on Him, all the rest is up to me.
So how do I know if my heart is focused on Him? Neal explained that too, he said “Find out what God is doing around you and ride that wave.” Right now for me, knowing I’m in god’s will comes down to this: God is moving in a significant way through Sandals Church, Sandals Church is all about community and connection, therefore I am going to do whatever I can to be a part of facilitating that vision. What ever it takes; setting up chairs, hosting a small group, inviting people over for dinner, taking them sailing. I’M IN.
My Sandal’s Story
November 16, 2006 at 4:19 pm | In Church, Memories, Uncategorized | 8 CommentsActually it’s OUR story since Martina and I come as a package.
Anyway, Miss Janie (look! I learned a new trick, the logbook now comes with links) posted on her blog her stroy on how she wound up at Sandals church. Several others posted their own stories in her comments. So I thought I’d share our story here.
Before Sandals, Tina and I attended just 2 churches in 26 years as Christians. The first was the Pentecostal church in Germany where Martina was saved. The second was Harvest. We started attending Harvest right after we moved to Riverside in 1983. We were both very involved and well plugged in at both churches. However over time the rat-race kinda crept in and by the time 2001 rolled around we had pretty much stagnated in our christian walk. By then we were only going to church sporadically and I was struggling with the idea that nobody seemed to care, or even notice.
By then Jessi and Paul were dating and looking for a church of their own. Martina had heard of Sandals from a girlfriend so she suggested it to Jessi. They went and loved it! One Sunday I suggested to Martina that we probably ought to check the place out, you know to make sure the kids weren’t getting into some kind of cult. I mean really, what kind of name is Sandals anyway?
So we went. It was sometime in the summer of 01, they were still meeting at VCC. My first impression wasn’t really all that great; hated the worship (my issue, not Los’s), thought the message was good but too short, didn’t understand the slogan. “Real with ourselves, others, and God” what the heck is that supposed to mean? It sounded like a bunch of burned out hippies trying to be profound. We vacillated between Harvest and Sandals for several months, and if during this time you had asked me why I was coming to Sandals the honest answer would have been “Because it’s convenient” I could do my duty and soothe my conscience in an hour! Eventually we went back to Harvest.
If you are sensing that I struggle with negativity and that change is not my friend you are correct, but Nathan has been working with me and I’m getting better.
Fast forward to the spring of 2002. I don’t remember the specifics of the conversation but somehow Sandals came up and I opined that the services were just too short to be “real” church. Jessica informed me that now that Sandals was meeting in the CBU gym and able to have a morning as well as an evening service the services were longer and the sermons not so abbreviated. Intrigued, we decided to give Sandals another go.
The second time around Martina and I were struck by the vitality and energy of the church. We wondered if mayby there wasn’t a place for us at Sandals. Being “slightly” older, we wondered if God might use us the way a grizzled vetran helps to steady the eager but raw recruit. So we continued to attend, and fell in love. As we got to know people we began to understand the vision – Being Real – what a concept.
As for the worship, that was all my issue, it wasn’t too loud, after all I’m a boomer, loud music is great. I just didn’t know ANY of the songs and they were all too fast for me to get my lips around. Then it happened, I found the “Passion: One Day Live” CD at the Harvest bookstore. OMG these are the songs we sing at Sandals! They must be okay! Once the worship songs at Sandals got the “Harvest Seal of Approval” I was okay with them. Yep, I can be that shallow.
3 things happened that year that cemented us to the Sandals community; we met Jim and Ronda Gilbert at the “Endless Summer” party, we attended the 1st marriage getaway and talked Matt and Tammy’s ears off while waiting for our breakfast to arrive, and we were put in Nathan and Danielle’s small group.
So far it has been an extraordinary journey and I can hardly wait to see where God will lead this great church next.
0 to rock in 6 seconds
October 22, 2006 at 8:41 pm | In Church | 9 CommentsThis morning I’m sitting in church listening to Matt and drinking in the wisdom. When he got done it took me all of 5 minutes to become a rock, one that hit Martina right between the eyes. The good news is, about 60 seconds later I recognized it for what it was and appologized…profusely! I am now back in a state of grace and have been forgiven. Apparently I was only sipping when I thought I was drinking deep of all that wisdom.
So what is the quickest you have gone from “Blessed are you Simon Peter…” to “Get behind me Satan” ?
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Things I’m thankful for
November 25, 2007 at 5:33 pm | In Church, Commentary, Family | 7 CommentsI’ve started several posts in the last month, but each of them just didn’t pass my “So What” test. Some of them seemed too much like bragging, others were too whiny and still others were poor attempts at humor that just came off like bragging or whining. So let me go with a tried and true topic for this holiday season. In no particular order here are some of the things that I am thankful to God for:
1. My relationship with God. It is better than it has ever been, and it is getting better. This isn’t because of me or my efforts but it is the result of His Holy Spirit working through the people in my life that are making me a better Jim. Which brings me to numbers 2 and 3.
2. My very beautiful wife.
She has been stuck with me for the last 29 years and still claims to love me more than she did at the beginning. Someone once asked me what Martina saw in me, I thought about it for a bit then replied “I don’t know, and I’m not about to ask her. She might stop and think about it and begin to wonder herself. Then where would I be?” My wife’s love is like the love of God in that I don’t deserve it, it just is. I accept it, am eternally grateful for it, and try very hard to show how much I appreciate it.
3. Sandals Church. I am very blessed to go to a church that “gets it.” I have witnessed more change in my life in the last 5 years than in the previous 30 as a Christian. God has graced me with people in my life that genuinely love and care about me. Do we get it right all the time? Of course not! Thats why we have a fetish about being real. We are passionate about forgetting the games and the fake facades and just being who we are. Then we try to let God deal with the junk. And believe me there is plenty of junk for God to deal with. I’m not sure but I think Sandals provides full time employment for at least one therapist. And that’s just the staff!
(Disclaimer: for the hyper critical out in blog land that was a joke)
4. My kids. Despite their various and sundry problems this year, they are for the most part handling them with grace and maturity. As a parent I still fret, and sometimes I get a little aggravated that their junk is spilling over into my life. But that’s what relationship is all about, being there for each other in good times or bad. And Jeremy’s marital challenges has meant that Martina and I get to spend a whole lot more time with Adelaide.
5. My old house. I have spent the last 3 weekends working on DIY projects. NOT the projects that I want or plan but the ones the house picks. You see when you own an old house sometimes you have no control over when the pipes need repair or the closet HAS to be sealed and painted. Things that you thought could wait for the “round-2-it” suddenly become “Job Number 1″ But at least I still have a house to work on. Not everyone can say that this year.
6. My job that is 100 miles from home. I never had a plan to drive 100 miles/2 hours to work. It was never my goal to spend 4 hours a day in my car. It just happened. My job used to be 22 miles/30 min from home. Then one day a VP of the company paid us a visit and told us they were closing the Ontario plant and moving all our jobs to Palmdale. Crud. I then formed THE PLAN. I would go back to school and get a degree in Info Sys Eng. then switch over to the IT sector, get out of aerospace all together. Well, I got the degree. But the fact that I’m still making the drive ought to tell how well my plan worked out. Seems the internet boom was a bubble, the 16 month degree program took 3 years to complete, and my company apparently really wants to keep me (if the raise was any indicator). don’t get me wrong, the only thing wrong with my job is that it’s 100 miles form home out in the middle of the desert. I get to work on the coolest airplane ever built, doing a job that provides capabilities to our war-fighters that means they are more likely to come home. And sometimes I really do work with rocket scientists. I just wish it were closer to home. Unfortunately, people get really really upset when you drop an experimental aircraft on their house. So now that I’m too close to retirement to quit, I wear the golden handcuffs. Which of all the problems in life to have, is a really good one.
7. My grand daughter Adelaide June. What can I say? As an unbiased Opa she is without a doubt the prettiest, smartest, cutest, best behaved, most adorable, little girl God ever made.
See? I told you!
8. People who read this blog and let me know they appreciate what I have to say. You guys are the ONLY reason I am still trying.
There many other things that I am thankful for this season, but this is already too long, so I will sign off for now. God bless and try to remember just why it is that we celebrate during this season.